23 March 2009
17 March 2009
12 March 2009
because then my opinions will only be as valid as yours
because I would rather be known as me, not your girlfriend
because I don't want you to be my only friend
because I don't want to get stale
because I don't want you getting in the way of what I have to do
because relationships don't mean shit anymore
because I don't want to have to change my FB status
because I'm not going to let you pay for all my dinners
because I like seeing movies with my girlfriends more
because I think I'm prettier than you deserve
because I'm not inclined to holding hands in public
because I don't like sharing my bed
because I don't need you to comfort me when I feel sad
because I don't want to deal with your parents
because I don't want to hear about your exes
because I don't want to cook dinner with you everynight
because I don't want to turn down a party to stay home when you're sick
because I don't want to give up my social life
because I don't need a man to tell me how to behave
because being your girlfriend is like putting down my fists and submitting
I'm fed up with men thinking that relationships have to exist on the 'boyfriend/girlfriend' level. Relationships should be mutual and I would prefer to be a partner in them. The minute we label our significant others based on gender is the minute we undermine them. I guess that brief rant was very personal and a little bit bitter but I think those sentiments apply to all the situations I have been in lately. Anyone?
Submitted by Stephanie Christiano, via Facebook
Responses from Facebook--> Keep it going, keep it going!:
It's funny, I've been thinking about the difference between the labels and meeting associated with the "boyfriend/girlfriend" dynamic a lot lately.
Mind if I post this on the blog?
go for it.
it's all semantics, the idea of a label. if i call someone my 'boyfriend' i'm inclined to be faithful. If not, it's fair game and vice versa for him. But then there's double standards that are imposed upon us, even in the progressive community, that the label girlfriend only perpetuates.
i agree. i hated being a boyfriend. i'd rather just be somebody's friend. just feel, don't label. i like feeling strongly about people, but i want to be me. not yours. or his. or hers. it's amazing how a label changes things, but it's more amazing how a person's feelings change because of the labels applied to them. not necessarily in a good way.
Oddly enough, I'm a person who actually likes labels to a certain extent -- it makes things easier to define. My relationship is pretty much a classic, monogamous boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and I call it that.However, if people don't wish to define their relationships in a certain way I don't think anything should get in their way, societal expectations included :)
I think what rings true the most to me about the boyfriend/girlfriend label dilemma is that it is a double edged, hard sword to swallow. It's one of those things that I KNOW should not care about... I'm not a big fan of defining my relationships with people against the framework of dominant society because its foundation is a hollow pit filled with all the dead, white penises of the past, BUT it's this same bankrupt, vapid society that makes me yearn for some sort of title, award, button, "I Voted" sticker... SOMETHING that proves to the world that despite my mostly self-perpetuated, incredibly deep-rooted insecurities and apparent shortcomings, I AM worth it to someone. I guess my unwanted desire to call someone my "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" probably just stems from an overall paranoia of existing in this society all alone and being eaten by the voracious wolves we call contemporary culture... Oh, and Tyra.
I stole this question from the (in)Sanity of Gender workshop and I was interested in what the FN community has to say about it. I'm personally still working on my response to this nice, juicy fat one. So tell me...
10 Things you never (and will never) tell your father.
07 March 2009
Sorry for the lull in posting. It's been a stressful couple of weeks for some of us Ninjas. But in the meantime we've been talking A LOT about what direction we want to take this, so keep reading, keep raging, and we'll keep you posted.
Anyway, sometimes it's really nice to just pause and appreciate some rad, pro woman, smile inducing things when you can. Here are mine (SOME of mine. By all means not all inclusive). Submit yours!
1) Bitch Magazine.
I mean, obviously. The most recent issue had an interview with a female prison abolitionist, an article on the EU studies on the impact of gender normativity in advertising, a shout out to Summer Heights High, and of course a cameo by the Ninjas' First Lady, Tyra Banks.
2) Girls who dance.
Actually, people who dance. But I do feel like there's something pretty excellent and almost radical about hanging out with a bunch of chicks who love to fucking move. And in a similar vein...
3) America's Best Dance Crew.
MTV is like a festering parasite of problematic gender and racial media representations. But I really dug this show. And Beat Freaks were just too fucking cool.
4) My roommates.
It has to be said, there are so many lovely and empowering things about living with these two ladies. Ninjas, of course, being one of them.
5) Baking, cleaning, and knitting.
As well as: smoking, rioting, writing, pretty often not cleaning even when I should, driving fast, kick ball, poker, getting dressed up, beer, sitting around in my underwear for a few days, eating “too much.”
Let's stop gendering this shit and I think we'll be on the right track.
"One day I'll give birth to a tiny baby girl
and when she's born she'll scream
and I'll tell her to never stop
I will kiss her before I lay her down at night
and will tell her a story so she knows
how it is and how it must be for her to survive
I'll tell her to set things on fire
and keep them burning
I'll teach her that fire will not consume her
that she must use it"
-Nicole Blackman, "Daughter"